Wednesday, January 23, 2008

Geeks of the World

I've long assumed I am a geek. I had an internet boyfriend when I was but a child (and I'll be 29 this November so date THAT), when the webpages weren't all cool and WIKI. No, I still had to use a dictionary for terms I didn't understand, and now that I'm older and lazier, I just go to I learned to read before kindergarten, and I began kindergarten at 4 years old. I was such a tiny little thing in kindergarten, but I was still moved up to a first grade reading class- having to miss the super coolness that was fingerpainting with my kindy classmates. I sound gloaty, don't I? It's not meant to be that way.

As I grew up, I thought it was cool that my cousin was my best friend. What do you mean she HAS to be my friend? Noooooo, she WANTS to. It's only later that I realize I probably wouldn't have been her choice of friend had we not been related. Last night I recounted to Paul a story from 2nd grade.

"I remember when I was a kid- I loved this one boy in my class. Every Valentine's Day, I'd "forget" that we were supposed to bring enough cards for all, and would assume that the valentine from HIM was especially chosen for me. I mean, it had a sticker- of a FROG! I LOVE frogs! (well, at that time I made it a point to) I ignored his mother's script on the back, reading "To Amber, from Chad". Every year he was in my class, kindergarten through 5th grade, and I adored him. It wasn't until 5th grade when I saw him holding hands with my cousin, and I realized I lost that 6 year race for his affection. I was heartbroken, but what can you do? You're a 48 pound 10 year old with legs like sticks- not exactly the most glamorous."

I wore stirrup leggings with suspenders. And a puffy painted t-shirt I made myself. I thought I was hot stuff. Looking back at photos I cringe- who let me go OUT like that?

As I aged, I became a little more interested in looks and a lot more interested in boys. I tried to write them the notes of the "Gifted and Talented", trying to prove to these boys that I was more than just a pretty face- since at that point I wasn't all too attractive in my matching sweatsuit. YIKES.

When I finally got to high school, I finally had the looks that weren't so bad, but I had gotten so used to pretending not to exist that I didn't react well to being newly "boobish". With the new figure that had sprouted up I became THAT girl. The idiot who pretends to be dumb. I'm totally ashamed of that now, but whatever- what can you do when you're tired of being a geek and life finally presents you with some ammo to be a "cool girl"?

Trying to be that girl made me do poorly in school, even though I was in all the AP classes I was assumed to be the random idiot who somehow tested well. I still didn't get the attention I so craved. I wanted me a nerd, the captain of the golf team rather than the captain of the football team. I wanted to have long chats about the Cretaceous Era, and about why Gatsby was like he was... Instead, the jocks called me "Knobs" and told stories about me. I became the prudish "slut". If the jocks told it, it was right. Right? Wrong. It wasn't until Junior year when one particular senior, the class love- our quarterback (and despite my adoration for nerds, I adored him as well) signed my yearbook telling me I was beautiful exactly how I was- and those boys were all idiots. My favorite part? "Look me up someday, I'd like to know the real you." *sigh* After that, I straightened up and dressed appropriately. Sean, if you're out there: thanks, this is the REAL me.

I have to be glad to be a geek, with people like Michael Cera and McLovin (yes, he's a character, but leave me alone, I'm making a point), we're free to be geeks! I don't have to pretend to be dumber than Paul, I don't have to wear a hooterlicious shirt to make him love me. It's OKAY to read a novel at his football games.

Finally, I am free to geek.

No comments: