Tuesday, April 1, 2008

Grandma Approves

Last night I had a few dreams and it was odd, as I remembered them all. In one, Paul had surprised me with a "baby-manicure". No idea where that idea came from, but it was basically me getting pampered because there was a baby on the way. It was actually kind of strange, but I suppose I've been so focused lately on babies and the like so it's no wonder it appeared in my dream. My other dream was kind of special, and as it was the last dream before I woke, and it left me feeling warm and loved.

I've always wondered if my Grandma would have loved Paul had she been able to meet him. As she'd never hated a soul and was kind-hearted to the bone (hmm. "kind-hearted to the bone?) I bet she would have. Still, I'll always wish Paul had gotten the chance to meet HER, just to know how amazing she was. Since I'm a big fan of the mystic and am quite the ghost-researcher, I've heard about deceased family appearing in their loved one's dreams as a way to contact or to assure the dreamer of their well-being. Even though Grandma was one of the hugest influences in my life (I often live by the rule WWGM- What Would Grandma Do?), I've never had her appear in a dream in the eleven years she's been gone. To be quite honest with you, I was a little sad about it. Last night though, she was in my dream.

I was in a strange house that seemed familiar, but also unfamiliar. My dad's side (grandma's side) of the family was there, as were Paul and I. Surprisingly, Grandma was there as well, which was so odd. I don't remember any profound words or a sign to let me know how she is faring in heaven (sometimes I don't know if I believe in heaven, but I do know that if anyone was to be allowed in, it would be my grandma), but I do know that I felt a sense of approval from her, she was treating Paul as if he was a member of the family. It may sound stupid, taking a dream's meaning as acceptance, but it was odd timing. Lately I've been thinking a lot about motherhood, and my ability to be a parent as well as OUR abilities to be parents. Sure, it may be dumb to assume grandma even had a part in placing herself in my dream, but I think she "knew" that I'm at a crossroads in my life, and I needed to know if I was making the right decision about having children right now.

Yes, it was a dream... but somehow I feel as if Paul and Grandma finally got the chance to meet- even if it wasn't real. Just like Grandma in the real world, dream Grandma made me feel as if she's watching me and is proud of me and what I've managed to do in my life up to now. Thank you, Grandma... I really needed it right now.


Kj said...

ahhh warm fuzzy heart feeling. I just know she's smiling down on you, with you.

lucky grandma, lucky amber.

love you.

fatafelice said...

After we lost my dad a few years ago, my step-mom and my sisters and I were all sort of hoping for a dream like that, expecially since it was sudden and we didn't get to "say goodbye." I didn't get one until about a year ago, and the whole thing was pretty bizarre, but at the end of this whole weird dream, my dad was holding me and telling me that everything was going to be okay. It was really nice.

I'm glad your grandma likes Paul, and I imagine that she knows you wouldn't choose anyone but the best. (((Hugs)))