Thursday, March 27, 2008


Last night I sat there counting my last remaining birth control pills while Paul played his new Playstation 3 in the living room. Yes, I am a good wife, I "let" my husband get a PS3. To be honest, one of my favorite pastimes is watching him play Grand Theft Auto, and the new one will be coming out in April for PS3 only. So yes, Paul got himself an 80g version, and I got myself a new career as a video game widow. Usually my job as Sports Widow takes up most of my free time, but I decided to start looking around for other opportunities to get ignored by my husband. I'm cool with it, actually. Paul is often so busy at work (and his work extends to games and practices at nights and on weekends) that he rarely gets a chance to just relax, and his video games are an easy way to do that. Of course, that has resulted in us owning: one PS1, two PS2s, a Wii, a Nintendo DS Lite, and now the PS3. When did we turn into gamers?

Anyway, I was sitting there thinking, "Oooh, I should take my pill, I was supposed to take it at 10:20 (been taking it at that time for nine years now), and it's 11pm, now." Then I realized- what the hell is the matter with me? I'm planning on going off the pill after these last two pills, what the hell does it matter if I take one late? Ooooh nooooo, I'm going to get pregnant a day earlier! The tragedy! Sometimes I worry about my sanity, people.

So after I took my minty flavored pill, I was reading a book in bed and thinking about US having a child. I then proceeded to have a mini-panic attack. I'm going to be responsible for a child. I won't be able to surf You Tube for old Ricki Lake episodes for hours on end, and keep playing the talking cat clip over and over again. No, I'll be a PARENT. I'll have to worry about things like co-sleeping, breast feeding, and never sleeping in ever again.

Hold me, I'm scared. And yet... oddly thrilled about possibly having a baby with my terrific husband, who will be the best father I could ever imagine. And then there's the thought of our Felix baby "hulking" its way out of my uterus. Their babies are huge. I fear for my ability to carry a baby sized the way their babies are usually sized. I'm afraid it'll tear through my stomach yelling, "OH YEAH" like the kool-aid man. Hm. Back to being scared.

1 comment:

fatafelice said...

If I had had any food or drink in my mouth while reading this post, I think I would have ruined my laptop. Kool-Aid man..hehe. Though I can sympathize with the fear. Mike was 9lb, 7oz. Yikes.

You are brave. Very brave.

But Mike and I have decided that we are still not grown up enough for kids - and still too selfish. I have been having biological-clock-ish twinges lately, like when a friend's little girl reached for me as soon as she saw me. *Melt*