Monster

I think I'm getting dumber. Yes, folks. Perhaps it's because I am just doing my average reading and my basic computer entries daily, so I'm not really pushing my brain to work harder. Take today for instance, I'm playing Scrabulous online with Laura. My most recent word? Fogie. It's not even spelled the way I usually spell it (you know, since I spell "fogey" multiple times daily), which also kills me.

Seriously, I'm having the hardest time coming up with words to describe what I mean. I LOVE words. How is this possible? It's like that Seinfeld episode where George gives up sex and gets smarter, and Elaine gives up sex and gets dumber. Only there isn't anything I'm giving up, I'm just DUMBER. Sweet jesus.

It's with that lovely intro I'd like to introduce something new: Random Thoughts by Amber. And yes, I realize this whole blog is chock-full of random thoughts, but hear me out.

~ If you have a Bloody Mary at brunch (say, elevenish or so) it's okay, but if you make one by yourself at 9am you have a problem.

~ I wish I could stop eating cupcakes. Each time I try they come out with a new kind, (like yesterday's tasty Grasshopper one), and I MUST try it. Then I'm craving another cupcake, and I decide to eat half of one. Then the cupcake half starts going dry, and I must eat the remaining half so as not to waste food. Who wants to eat a dry cupcake half? I'm saving money JUST by eating that cupcake half. Please help me, I have a problem.

~ I have ordered a subscription to Redbook. Thinking I'm now married, and I no longer need to read articles on finding a man, or keeping a man satisfied (what do I care, he's married now! just kidding...), or how to send sexy text messages... No, I need to know how to keep my whites white and my closet organized. I need to know how to balance work and family. All these things are (sadly) in Redbook, with a jubilant Kirstie Alley on the cover, or Kelly Preston "How I keep my husband satisfied at 54" or something like that. True, it's basically the same article, with a few menopause stories intermingled throughout the mag, alongside ads for hormone replacement therapy- OH GOD, WHAT HAVE I DONE? My husband gets ESPN Magazine and Maxim, and I'm getting REDBOOK AND READER'S DIGEST?!?!?!

Which brings me to...

~ Why do people make fun of Crocs? Yeah, they are terribly unflattering, but still, they are totally comfortable! Again I must wonder, what have I become? I'm extolling the benefits of owning and wearing crocs. Pushing comfort over appearance. My high school self would shudder to see me now.

Okay, now that I've depressed myself enough, I'm going to take my sensible cotton pants wearing self over to get something to eat. And I hope it won't be a cupcake. 'Til then, my dears.