Friday, May 30, 2008

Amber's Head

As my blog title states, this is real life. While I'm a fan of television and sitcoms, reading books with endings that could never conceivably happen, life is not fiction. No, though I haven't blogged for a while (discounting the previous post), it's not due to some unfortunate happening, it's more that life is catching up with me. Working at an oil company in this time of recession and astronomical gas prices (don't blame me!), there really isn't much for me to do at work. You'd think I'd take this spare time and blog, right? Well, there is really not that much to blog about.

There really isn't anything interesting in my life right now. Paul's school is coming to a close, leaving me heartbroken yet again; after years of saying goodbye to students, you'd think my heart would toughen up a bit. No, that is not the case. Every year I grow attached to the students and either despair losing them this year, or celebrate yet another year with them (if they are younger grades). The graduation will commence (ha) in a few weeks, and we are invited to a few grad parties. I must remember to stop choking up at the ceremony. After all, the last time I was in that church, hearing "The Rose", was at my own wedding. And yes, I did cry THEN, too. I love these kids so much, the boys were invited to our wedding! The were altar servers at our wedding! Every year it's the same thing: support them, love them, help them, say goodbye. I don't know how Paul does it.

In other not-so-good news, my dad has lost his job. It's quite painful to watch your 62 year old father floundering without an idea of what he can do to be able to make a living. I've always been proud of him for maintaining a steady income despite not going to college and getting a degree. He's a wonder with his hands, and quite honestly the smartest man I know. It hurts me to know that he won't be able to retire, as he hadn't quite built up enough income, nor has he had a retirement account set up for himself. There really isn't anything that induces a more helpless feeling than knowing you can't support your parents should the need arise. Well, I'm sure there isn't until I have children, I can't imagine having to watch your child have an asthma attack while knowing there is really nothing you can do to help them (my parents had to do this for me). So I'm feeling helpless, yet trying to keep a happy face for him, to show him it will all work out okay. We're going to the Cheesecake factory tonight, I told him it would be my treat. :)

Let's see... what other news is there? This conceiving thing is hard work. With all the accidental pregnancies out there, who knew there were only like, 2/3 days you could really get pregnant? It's okay, I suppose, as I know we want to go to Disneyland again before our passports run out, and I'm pretty sure Space Mountain can't tolerate a pregnant woman. :) I often switch between being selfish and wanting to use our passports 'til the end, and just feeling a pain in my heart whenever I see a baby or child. I have no doubts that I can love my child to bits. I have no doubt that Paul and I will raise our children with very much love and support. So I suppose that's good, right?

Anyway, that's where I've been the last couple days. Not so much in a place, more inside my own head.

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